Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
