i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
