Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
