terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
