just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
