peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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