I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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