Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
