I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
