Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
