I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
