if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
