i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
