My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
