he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
