Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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