i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
