I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
