I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
