I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
