You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
