I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
