i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
