Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
