she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well I just put wine in my tea
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
