she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
