he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
