the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
