I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
