First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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