.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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