weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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