And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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