If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We have started to decorate penises.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
