I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize