M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
