Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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