My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
