so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
