I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
