my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
