I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also, beer. Big fan.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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