Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
