I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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