I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
