He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
