i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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