you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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