who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So squirting runs in the family.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
