The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
