I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
